The Slow Death of Idealism

Sometimes its really hard to be at this mental health placement. Its getting easier on the OT side, as I am getting more comfortable with my skill sets, dealing with people (employees and participants), and building rapport and communication. Leading groups has become so much easier for me, since I do it everyday it seems.

Certain days, I have to sit in on team meetings and we discuss new developments regarding our participants. This is when I find out if anyone has stopped taking medications, not eating, isolating themselves, and etc. Sometimes the reports I hear are too much to bear.

Its already difficult to interact with people who have mental illness because honestly, it can happen to any of us. I get slapped with this reality everyday. Some of these individuals were productive members of society, worked in great jobs, and etc. Now they are dependent on other people and have little control over their minds.

So when I hear reports of group homes or assisted living homes not doing their jobs, I want to jump into my nonexistent car and yell at everyone. When the participants are being exhorted out of their money or kicked out of their homes, I feel this intense passion to help them.

The mental health system is so screwed up and it makes me so angry sometimes!! We should all be working for the benefit of the client and sometimes they seem to be the last thing people worry about. If we don't care about these individuals, who else will?

Occupational therapy is needed in this field and it where our roots began. Less and less OT's are in this field and its because of low pay, high burnt out rates, and frustration. There is so much potential but there is so little you can do with your hand tied behind your back.

Don't feel bad for me because I'm learning about the many facets of my profession. I'm beginning to lose the idealistic attitude I had when I was in school. Its bittersweet but its realistic. Its better I learn this now. But I will continue to work at being the most kick ass OT I can be, in any field I work in. I refuse to let red tape stop me from helping people. This is for all those people on top who are too far away from the little people.

Posers Need not Apply Here

So I went running this morning like I try to do every morning and random stuff goes through my mind all the time. I'm thinking about my parents and how I spend so much time and energy trying to make them proud and not disappoint them. Then it hits me...what have they done for me? Is that a selfish thing for me to say? I don't really know.

I moved to Philadelphia to attend graduate school the summer after I graduated from college in 2006. My parents were not thrilled about the move but they drove me to Philly with all my stuff. I really lucked out because the place me and my friends moved into was partially furnished with a bed and desk in each room. That lessened my anxiety immediately because I had no money to buy a new bed or furniture.

Literally, my parents dropped me and my stuff off in the foyer and left. My dad who is good with his hands did not even look twice at the house. He did not look around to make sure everything was in good shape. He didn't check out the neighborhood which was iffy at times. He dropped me off and left. My mother told my roommate to take care of me and they left. I felt abandoned. This was my first time away from home and I really expected more from my "overprotective" father.

I lived in that house for two years and my parents never came to visit me. All of roommates' parents came to visit whether for holidays, to work in the garden, and etc. I even told my mom she could visit for a weeekend. Never happened. I wasn't upset, I don't get homesick easily, it was no big deal. I went to visit them on holidays and etc. The only people who have visited me have been my sister and my best friends.

I have been financially supporting myself for a really long time on part time jobs while attending school full-time. When I think about the times I have struggled to pay rent and have money left over just to get to school on the bus or train, tears fill my eyes. No one was there to help me and only God got me through those tough times. Sometimes I didn't even have money to really buy food but I just suffered silently. The one time I asked them for money so I could pay rent, I got nothing. I never, never, never ask for money and I got nothing.

I made the decision last summer to move into a studio apartment because my roommates were either going away, getting married, or we weren't on speaking terms. I didn't want to live with just anybody because why put myself in that much stress. And since I was dating my boyfriend turned fiance, I figured he would always be over anyway.

When my parents found out that I was in a serious relationship and that I was really close to his family, the wheels turned. My mom made this comment like she doesn't want them to think I had no parents. WTF?

Hello? I've basically had no parents for almost three years! Are you kidding me? They didn't pay for school, rent, or nothing! I never asked but no one ever asks me "how are you getting by?"

And I don't want their money but they are supposed to be my parents.

Now all I hear from them is how they want to come visit me. They never cared before but now they want to come visit me. Why should they get to come here and judge me for how I'm living when they've never given a shit about it before? I don't want them to come visit me EVER. I don't need the stress from them.

My fiance has been my family and support for a really long time and I don't need posers who are trying to save face.

I am pissed. I just got myself all worked up.

Where did the Love Go?

I live in the so called City of Brotherly Love. I moved here from NY and still have not gotten over it. Sometimes I love living here and exploring the city. Other times I absolutely detest it with a fierce passion.

Most of those hateful days are when I am FORCED to get on public transportation or SEPTA as we call it here. Our car is acting up and I have been sentenced to riding on the bus and trolley. The pampered princess that I am (hah!), I never had to ride the bus growing up. Of course that was just a way for my overprotective father to keep a close eye on me. I hate riding the bus and I will never like it. Of course public transportation makes it easier for me because I don't have to worry about finding nonexistent parking. I digress on that for now.

I ride the trolleys a lot and I have noticed quite a few things. Other than being harrassed by gross men, I realize that this city has been mis-named. There is no brotherly love left in the city. The murder rate is steadily increasing everyday, more and more young men are carted off to jail, the homeless are more like statues the way people seem to walk right over them, and there are no manners.

I was taught manners and I'm sure you were too. There is a certain etiquette to public transportation. The seats at the very front (or those marked) are for the disabled, elderly, and those with child. Its manners for an individual to get up when an elderly person gets on the bus or trolley. I know we live in a different era, but chivalry can't really be dead, can't it? I hate, hate, HATE, when I get on a crowded trolley and have to stand for the duration of my ride and see a plethora of men sitting in their seats. Is it wrong for me to assume that they should give up their seats to the women standing in the aisles? Is it wrong for me to assume that when an older woman comes on, that they should immediately jump up and give up their seat?

One time I was on a crowded trolley and managed to get a seat on the aisle. An elderly man got on and no one budged. Not a one. I got up and gave him my seat because its the right thing to do. He was so thankful it was embarrassing. I didn't do anything extraordinary, I just gave up my seat. It was a simple movement, nothing too complicated.

I see this all the time: young mothers getting on the trolley with their multiple children and strollers. Is it wrong for these men to simply watch these women struggle with their babies and their strollers up the three steps onto the trolley? Maybe I was just born in a different era. Maybe I would be more at home with Jane Eyre and Charlotte Bronte, I don't know.

I just don't understand where manners have gone. These same men will hoot, holler, and whistle at you without a blink of an eye, but they can't give up their damn seat.

Don't they realize that having good manners is sexy? I like when a man opens my doors...This city should be called "Every Man for Himself." Its not as catchy but it works for me.

Can I Holla at you for a Second?

"A Yo Shorty, can I holla at you for a second?" This is the common phrase I hear in Philly. (I am aware that it happens in other cities, I am just sticking to where I am currrently).

I'm sorry, it irritates the hell out of me. First, I am not short, I am 5'7. Many times I have been taller than dude. Second, this is yelled at me from down the street. Why is some stranger screaming at from down the street? I don't know you.

This post was inspired by a conversation I had with my fiance and my friend. We were talking about the good and bad ways that men can attempt to approach women in the street. My fiance was reminiscing on his Bachelor days and boasting about how he used to get all the ladies. Whateva.

All I know is I like it when a man approaches me in a respectful manner where I don't feel like my clothes are slowly being torn off, piece by piece. I appreciate good conversation that makes me smile and even laugh. First impressions are important and the way you approach me tells me everything I need to know about you.

I hate when men walk around a girl while nodding their head, looking her up and down. Is she a piece of meat?

Don't ever, EVER drive up the curb and tell me to come to your car. I am not a prostitute, I do not walk up to strange cars.

And I hate when men try to pressure you into giving out your number. I have had a fake boyfriend for years before I ever had a real one. Come to find out, these men don't care if you have a boyfriend. They want you to cheat on him with them!

The one that takes the cake for me are the men who are old enough to be my father. Really? Really. I've had a few experiences in the hospital with patients. I'm in the room trying to help them get out of bed and get dressed for therapy and they are trying to hit on me. Sigh.

I've had a few decent men approach me that made me smile and want to get to know them better.

One day I was waiting in line to pay for gas for my mother's car. This man came over to me and said, "Can I pump your gas for you?"

I don't know. I thought he was trying to say something sexual. I was offended and yelped, "No!"

I paid my gas and moved on to my car. He came over and asked if I wanted to have tea and ice cream with him. I laughed, I thought it was weird and funny. I did let him pump my gas and gave him my real number. Of course he didn't call, but thats another post.

I just think guys should try harder and be more respectful when approaching a girl. Unless you like it when they crazy things to you, then by all means, do you.

What are some of the crazy come on lines or guy stories that you've experienced?