Wedding Etiquette

This is a serious question. It may seem crystal clear to you but I honestly have been grappeling with this for a while now. I need your help so be honest!

I am working on my portion of the guest list (I am splitting with my parents) and realized that while a few of my friends are married now I do not know their spouses for a number of reasons.

Am I obligated under etiquette law to invite both of them? Again, I realize this question may seem fairly simple to you  but I am thinking purely in the matters of cutting down my guest list.

Would it be wrong if I invited Julia and did not invite her husband? I'm pretty sure I know this answer but I need to hear it out loud. I tried to ask on Theknot but my outlook was not working. Plus I value you ladies opinons so much more.

Why did no one tell me how excruciatingly painful this damn guest list was to create? It sucks so much. I have a lot of family but I want my friends there as well. Why did I not get married at City hall? Sigh...

Wedding Related Family Drama #1

I labeled this Wedding Related Family Drama #1 because knowing my family, there will be a 2, 3, 4, and 5...
So I went home last week to help out with my mom. She had recently had surgery for a shunt revision in her head and she was not allowed to do anything at home. I went home to be helpful but not really sure how helpful I was. While there, my dad wanted to talk to me about my wedding plans and perhaps veto any of my ideas. I went into the conversation sure that he was going to berate me, so I was on defensive mode. It was a pretty pleasant conversation surprisingly, as this never happens when he is included in the conversation. We talked about the budget, the reception venue, the church, caters, and etc. Then he dropped the D-bomb. Dancing. "I don't want to participate in any dancing. So if there will be any dancing, please let me know now." he said in a firm voice.
I shrugged my shoulders and fingered my parent's comforter. "There's gonna be dancing."
He shrugged as well and said, "Then I will be there at the ceremony but after that I am going home."
Really?! Seriously!? I'm not gonna lie, my first reaction was whatever, I wasn't going to dance with you anyway. But then my best friend pointed out to me later that it would look odd if my father was not present for the parental introduction or pictures. Then she and I got into some verbal disagreement about my father and how I should handle it. But I digress. My fiance is Nigerian and dancing is big in all of their events. I just love to dance. I was never allowed to dance when I was younger and I refuse to let other people dictate my wedding! I never realized how much my dad did not like dancing, as he has sat through countless weddings with dancing during the reception. I don't understand why he can't sit through mine. I love my dad but we have too much of this control stuff in our history. But the good thing about him is that he'll say one thing now and then backtrack later. So I'll just address the issue at a later date and see what changes. My bff did bring up the compromise that maybe he could sit through dinner and then the dancing could commence after that. I'm not as hardheaded as some may believe me to be, I can compromise on certain things. We'll see.
Then we started talking about how many people were invited. Apparently 140 is not enough people for them. The venue can actually hold 200 but my fiance and I were trying to trick them into inviting less people. So far, not working. My dad feels strongly that he should have 100 guests, but he keeps forgetting that my friends are also part of this 100. My head hurts.

Today my mom called and asked if I could change the reception venue. I was pissed and then my phone signal faded. Stupid MetroPCS. Lol. I had to unleash my inner Bridezilla and calmly tell her that no, I would not be changing my venue, it is what I want. The only way they will listen to me is if I act like that, otherwise they will try to run all over me.

I don't know what posesessed us to plan a wedding. I start my second rotation soon and will have to start studying for my boards right before the wedding. We should have ran to city hall and ignored any outbursts. 8 months to go and I'm not sure I will make it.
Did you have any wedding related family drama to share and how did it get resolved?

9 Months to Go!!

9 months still doesn't feel that close to me but I know in terms of wedding planning, I have too many things to do in too little time. Not sure if its a good thing but I am not feeling any stress. I'm a procrastinator so I'm sure this is a bad thing.
I have been going back and forth on the bridesmaid dresses. The ones I really wanted cost around $200 and I don't want to make my ladies pay that much for a dress that (lets be realistic) they may never wear again. I also liked the Jcrew dresses and finally got them an appointment later this month. It was a nightmare dealing with them by the way. I thought my appointment was made and it never was...blah blah blah...The only thing I'm worried about is if they really do have a variety of sizes in their selection. I want everyone to feel comfortable. And I also just received my color swatch from Jcrew in the mail and I was pretty disapointed at "spiced wine". It wasn't purple-ly enough.

When I first got engaged, I swore up and down I would not use David's Bridal. But it seems I must renege on my word. I have finally found a few dresses that I actually like and there is a DB's everywhere. One of my MOH is going away to medical school upstate and I was worried about getting in dress fittings before then.
Here are my favorite dresses: The first one is geared towards my MOHs and the second is for the BM's. I like the color right now but I am worried that it will look different when I see the actual fabric in the store. My next step is to schedule an appointment in the store.

We finally sent in our security deposit for our reception venue. Unfortunately, I have not been able to contact the manager just to confirm my date. I'm in my rotation all day and when I get out, she is gone. I've also emailed her and no response as of yet.

What else is new? Its been such a long time since my last posting...Oh yeah! I've added another girl to my bridal party. She's my good friend from college and she actually helped me pick out my wedding dress. Welcome to the wedding mania, T!! So far, she has been very helpful. It doesn't hurt that she was just in a wedding last month, hehe.
Next on my agenda: I have to talk to my parents and get them more involved in my wedding, as per the suggestion of my FMIL. Not looking forward to it at all. But it must be done.
Thats all for now folks!

Moving Forward

My fiance came to pick me up from my parents' house and we sat down with my  parents to have the "talk". Its been the pink elephant in the room for quite some time and we really needed to get it out in the open. I was scared to death but my future hubby took control. He calmly and firmly told my parents where and when we were having the wedding. He rendered my father speechless and it was a sight to see. That man is never speechless.

He was literally uncomfortable; looking at the floor, his shoes anywhere but at us. My parents are the type of people that guilt me into doing what they want. My fiance told them that this is my day and he's going to give me everything that I want. Of course it is our day but I digress for now.

So next on the agenda? Sending my security deposit for the reception hall and booking the church. I've been putting them off but now I can get back on track. Ten months to go!?!

I made a payment on my dress and its almost halfway paid for. Then I have to schedule my second dress fitting. So much to do, so little sanity left.

Shoes Shoes Shoes!!

I love shoes, especially high heels although I am already relatively tall (5'7). One of my first wedding related searches had to do with shoes. I don't want to wear white shoes because I had to buy a pair for a wedding I walked in last summer and I hardly ever wear white shoes. I want to buy new shoes that I can also wear AFTER the wedding.
I've heard great things about Cole Haan shoes. Supposedly they do not hurt like so many other pairs of heels. I plan on dancing the night away and I don't want to go barefoot or change into flip flops although this may happen. His Cole Haan Nike Air high heel shoe collection is said to be a godsend! He teamed up with Nike and placed Nike zoom air bags in the heel and ball. The result is a shoe that feels almost as great as wearing your favorite sneakers except they look better! Ladies, you do not have to sacrifice your heel fetish for comfort anymore. Now you can have both because some of the shoes are cute and are still 3'-4' in height!



They also have a new bridal collection.






Like many women I think, I also have this dream fantasy of one day owning a pair of Manolo Blahniks. I just love them and I think they would look amazing with my dress.
Here is the pair that I would buy if it fit in my budget. They are elegant, timeless, and can be worn over and over after the wedding.

 











So anyways I found another interesting way to get new shoes. Not sure how good it is but it seems legit. I'm not brave enough to try it but maybe someone out there is. Reality TV star Kim Kardashian founded a new shoe company called ShoeDazzle. Described as the "premier shoe society", fashionistas everywhere can join this network for $39.00 a pair/or month. After filling out a survey detailing your personal taste, renowned stylists personally pick out 5 pairs of shoes. The shoes are delivered right to your home and you have the option of picking one pair. Every month, new shoes are sent to your home for your personal enjoyment! The shoes are pretty cute and the stylists have dealt with a few celebs that you are familiar with such as: Kimberly Locke, Audrina Partridge, Sophia Bush, Paris Hilton, Kanye West, Carmen Electra, just to name a few Check out the shoes for your personal enjoyment.

Other more budget friendly way to get new shoes are: zappos.com and gojane.com,
Craiglist and Ebay are other options. I see tons of people selling their wedding dresses and shoes on craigslist. I have myself purchased a new pair of BCBG pumps for a very low price, so its worth looking into.
I have my heart set on the Manolo Blahniks so I guess I have a lot more shoe shopping to do.

Wedding Hostess

I've been to weddings where the couple had ushers; usually younger girls standing at the door handing out programs. Recently I heard about the term hostess, so I went google searching to see if this was something that could be beneficial at my wedding.
Here is what I read on Host and Hostess Duties at Weddinginsight.com about the duties of a Hostess.

It sounds pretty straightforward but I can also see how it can be abused. I don't want the hostess to feel like a personal assistant because they are not. Their role would be to hand out programs and direct people at the reception especially those who were not invited to the reception.

I have a few people who I have in mind for this role, close friends who have the personality to pull this off. Do you think someone would take offense to being asked to be a hostess? Would they see it in a different light than intended? Do you have any hostess horror stories?

Laments of an Engaged Girl

 For those of you who are planning on getting married, don't do it. Just kidding! No, seriously listen to me, don't do it. Ok, I really am kidding; kind of. Being engaged is fun and you really do get to know more about your partner. Its funny because you think you know everything about them and then you find out there are more!

I got engaged in October and we were both in this euphoric state  for a while. Also, I was getting all this attention from my friends and classmates. I told the engagement story like fifty times. The best part is planning your wedding is so much more fun when its not under pressure. My fiance and I talked about what we wanted and didn't want for our wedding and  laughed about awkard family members. So we were good...no, we were fabulous.

 Its other people that is the problem. As soon as everyone else found out, the questions began. When are you getting married? Aren't you a little young to be getting married? You should wait until you are 35. You can't plan a wedding on that budget!  Why are you waiting so long? What are your colors, why would you want those colors? Can I be a bridesmaid? If I'm not a bridesmaid, I will NEVER speak to you again! (Please note that these questions are not fabricated, they were all asked by very real people).

The clincher for me was when my ideas for my wedding were shot down by my own father! All of a sudden, everyone's a wedding expert! The only person whom I will allow to shoot down my ideas is the premier wedding planner, David Tutera. haha. I guess you would only get that if you watched the WE channel (My Fair Wedding).

The hardest part for me was the guest list and picking the bridal party. I've actually lost sleep over this...seriously. I didn't realize what a big deal being someone else's bridesmaid was. I was in three weddings last year and personally I wish I hadn't. I'm a broke student and had to pay for three dresses that I will probably never wear again. I've had threats on my life and promises to severe all ties, from my own family members! Apparantly, it is that serious...to them anyway.

So I'm sure you can understand why my honey and I considered numerous times to simply walk to City hall and get married. Or maybe you're reacting like my parents and gasping with looks of pure horror on your faces. But honestly, for the first time in my adult life, I realized that the wedding day is not the most important thing. Many of us have been so conditioned to think that the most important thing about getting married is wearing the big white dress and walking down the aisle, and etc. I'm not going to lie and say I never wanted those things, I've just realized that marriage is so much more than the one day. After you wear the big dress that you can never wear again, real life begins and it does not always include centerpieces and wedding cake.

Shoot, I've got my dress and I have pictured myself floating down that aisle, but why do I have to jump through so much damn hoops just to become Mrs.F? When did this day become about everyone but my fiance and I?

You can stop hyperventilating now because we are still having the wedding thing, I do realize that our family and friends really want to partake in this momentous occasion. I am just so over the whole planning process. Dealing with vendors,  parents, etc, etc, has me this close to grabbing my dress and jumping on the trolley heading straight to City hall.

So I vowed to myself and my fiance that I will do what I want. This wedding will be a celebration for us for taking such a big step and we are planning to enjoy it. If you don't like the flowers or the reception decor, then don't you have them at your wedding.

A bientot!

Bridesmaid Dresses

I was on Jcrew.com and found some dresses that I liked. I don't want the bridesmaids to be too fancy and I like a simple look. Of course, I'm not picking out the dressing, I'm simply picking a designer and color. I like JCrew because some of the prices are reasonable; which I can relate to because I remember paying for my bridesmaids dresses that still hang in my closet. AND ( I know every bride says this, but its true) the girls can wear them again. Here are the ones that I like. I might pull a Bridezilla and tell them they have to pick. So far the response has been good, so it looks like these might be a go!

Wedding Theme?

So...I've been really busy lately with school and my semi planning of the wedding. Everything is kind of at a stand still right now until I get the budget sorted out. I made a list of to dos for my maids of honors and I have A LOT of stuff to do. Nothing impossible, just a lot. I would love to hand everything over to a wedding planner but I still want to have a hand in my own wedding. I want to look around and see things that I did. So I am determined to be a DIY type of bride. Here are a few things I found on Theknot.com that I really like so far. Not really sure if I want to use them or if they go with my theme, but I like the way they look.

I've been really thinking along the lines of royal type decor which seems to be more accurately described as French Moderne. The lines are very sophisticated and dainty and that is kind of what is in my mind for the reception and wedding.

This one is kinda cutesy but I think it serves it purpose.

And this is exactly the kind of look I want to capture for the receptions with accents of purple of course, to tie in the whole royalty thing.
What do you think?

Do I really need a wedding theme or do I just read wayy too many wedding magazines and blogs?

Silk Flowers?

I was talking to one of my classmates and she mentioned how she was planning her wedding on a budget of $7000. I don't have to tell you that nowadays I am obsessed with anyone who is attempting to have a fabulous wedding on a smaller budget. We compared notes and she mentioned silk flowers. I heard of them so I decided to research them myself. And they didn't look half bad. While I do like "real" flowers, I don't love them that much. Silk flowers are wayy cheaper and it cuts out the cost of going to a florist for my bouquets and centerpieces. So that a new option. The boutineries and corsages are less than $10.00!
I found all this on the Brides's Bouquet which I promptly book marked. I have so much wedding stuff bookmarked, its out of control! My computer might crash from wedding overload...Knock on wood. lol...









 

Wedding Galore

I have not been blogging for a while because as usual things have been crazy with school and things have been pretty much at a standstill with the wedding. But I got a renewed vigor to blog thanks to one my dearest friends becoming a new follower and restarting her own blog, which I love and I'm not just saying that because I know her. Its very inspirational and always brings me back to earth.

I found a few things that might work well for the wedding. This is a picture of some centerpieces. It takes the basic concept of flowers and makes them a little more unique.








I also found this amazing website where you can design your own place cards and etc before you purchase them or in my case, design so I know how to do it myself. I'm considering becoming a DIY kind of bride. I don't really feel comfortable just having other people do everything, I am semi creative and I would like to add some of my own touches at the wedding.
Its called After Your Party and its kinda cool. I also like that you can use this site for any event, not just weddings. So your next birthday party or whatever, you should check them out!
http://www.foryourparty.com/index.php

Ok i'm done plugging for these people. Check it out and let me know what you think.

I have actually been quite the busy bee in my absence. The question of my life right now is whether I should have a wedding planner or just go to an event design company. I found a really good wedding coordinator that I like and I found this event design company that does it all. They even do flowers! Doesn't that mean I should just cut out the middle man? I am leaning towards the event company but I would still need a Day of Coordinator. I don't want anyone stressing me out with table mishaps or people who weren't invited trying to get in, and I know those things will happen. Does anyone know of a good Day of Coordinator or does anyone willingly want to put themselves in such a position? Lol...