My Christian Debate

My Christian Debate

I have been struggling with the whole Christian versus Religious argument. You would think that they are one and of the same, but I am beginning to think differently.  From the beginning I was reared up to be religious. I was baptized, I tithed, I attended church regularly, I sang in the choir, etc, etc. Basically I was in church almost every day except Fridays. I became an expert on donning the appropriate attire thus getting called "Church girl" in high school. These things can easily and have become ritualistic. The true meaning behind the ritual is lost over time.

But being a Christian seems to be more about the emotions, the devotion, and the feeling about God. You get lost in the love, the sacrifice, and most importantly the intimacy of the relationship with God. It is all about God, right? How can we forget about the one that I presume the rituals were centered around?

Sometimes I feel as if I get caught up in the religious whirlwind and feel disillusioned and unsatisfied. I am not as involved as I used to be in church and I feel guilty for that sometimes. I applied for a job in a church that I was attending last year and when I was denied the position, I felt as if I wasn't Christian enough. I am not perfect by any means but I have made choices in my life that were not always wise. I'm fine at home, but once I go to church, I feel like I am exposed and found lacking. 

And the thing is, I do ask God for forgiveness but when I go to church I feel ashamed. I seem to judge my actions by how often I am being religious. Why do I continue to punish myself for things that God has already forgiven me for? Since when did religion become an outward stamp of approval on my jacket lapel?

I would think that my questioning is a good thing because otherwise I wouldn't grow as a person, spiritual or otherwise. It's really hard because there are few people in my life that I feel that I can openly share this with. My family is very traditional and religious; they are not very accepting of things that stray from that. I was brought up in a very close minded way and its hard being on the other side of that.

These days I don't attend church as much as I used to; although I have found a church that I love. I take comfort in the fact that when Jesus did walk the earth, he surrounded himself with his loyal 12 and went to dinner with prostitutes and tax collectors. He was a cool down to earth type of guy, who also happened to be the Son of Man. He came to do His father's work and touched people along the way. I am inspired by his gentleness, his love for people, his good works, and his acceptance. I'm not saying that going to church is bad. It's a good place to fellowship, have accountability, and learn about the Word. I am just frustrated with rituals and how they seem to be more important than the relationship.

I'm actually scared to ask because religion is always something that is a tender topic for people, but what do you think