Can I Be Real With You?

When I saw that ad in craiglist about being a relationship Blogger, I immediately jumped at the opportunity. Lets forget the fact that I am no expert on relationships. I've been in very few serious relationships. Translation: the one that I am currently in is the serious-iest relationship I have ever and only been in.

Anyways in my haste, of course I emailed all my close friends and family because I wanted them to vote for me and etc. Sometimes I regret that. Little did I know how much being on PNN would affect me. I had no idea that I was joining a whole family of people who are continually supporting each other despite our differences. I had no idea I would in the midst of some amazing women who can write like butter. Literally, their words drip off the page and I just soak it all up.

I didn't realize how therapeutic writing would be for me. Or how therapeutic reading other people's posts would be. Here is my dilemma, how can I truly allow myself to be as transparent as I want to be? I love my friends who read this and they are by no means judgemental, but I'm not the same person they used to know. I've grown up. I feel like I am in a box in their eyes, they know me the way I used to be...  My parents don't really know who I am or what I love. I'm used to hiding myself so being on PNN makes me want to come out!

I remember in church there would always be time for testimonials, where people would say what happened in their life, regarding mistakes or whatnot. I was never that type of person, I am private and struggle in silence.

Maybe I have this way that I expect people to see me and I may be reluctant to change that. I'm not perfect but I am not ready to expose all of my faults. I admire all the women on here for being vulnerable and transparent and I hope to let go one day.

At the end of the day all that matters is how I feel when I look in the mirror. Because all of these flaws make me who I am today. And I must say, I am pretty damn happy with myself. For the first time I am truly happy with my life.

I love you guys!