Shutting Down

I deal with things differently. I never know how I'm going to react to a situation. Being in a relationship can be very difficult at times. Constantly having to compromise and getting into fights over the most mundane details of absurdity. Its exhausting sometimes.

I know that I'm a very moody person and can be passive aggressive at times. I try not to be but I can be childish that way.

We had a staff retreat today and as the OT intern, I was forced to tag along. I can't complain though, it was a lot of fun. I attempted rock climbing, the human gyro, paddle boating, and eating lots of yummy food mainly funnel cake.

Anyways I came home happy but tired. It was a long week and I made a little dinner for me and the honey. He came home also in a great mood and...

I can be very particular about where things go. In my head, certain things have their place and there is no flexibility. Unfortunately, my fiance is not as particular as I am, so you can imagine how this unfolds sometimes.

Long story short, I walked into the kitchen and his sneakers were sitting there. It annoys me everytime I see it and no matter how many times I say something about it, they find themselves there. Maybe the sneakers are haunting me. Maybe its my OC. I picked them up gingerly and threw them in the room, shooting daggers at him at the same time.

I went into full BITCH mode and ripped into him about other things. We got in a huge fight and I shut down.

I've done it before and I will do it again...I went to my room and proceeded to lie down for a long time. I wanted to be alone, I didn't want to talk, I didn't even want to be awake. My bed has always been my safe place.

Its interesting because my fiance was there the whole time with me, which was kind of comforting in a way. He knew I was shutting down but he let me come back on my own. He didn't force me to talk or anything and I appreciated that. Eventually I got up and rejoined the world.

Not really sure if this is healthy but I've done this in the past as my way to deal with my parents and other stressful situations.

When I work up this morning, I definitely didn't see this coming.